SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
You know, you're a great audience. You do a fantastic job just listening to us. I've got to tell you, I'm in awe. Chiara Brown says those lines I just uttered here on NPR would be out of place on the BBC. She is a U.S.-born journalist who took a job at The Times of London and discovered that when it comes to praise, Britons can be understated. A stiff upper lip allows for little flattery. She's just written about it in The Times. Chiara Brown joins us now from London. Thank you so much for being with us.
CHIARA BROWN: Thank you so much for having me.
SIMON: By the way, not since Shakespeare have I read such phrase-making as I did in your column. But in all seriousness...
BROWN: (Laughter).
SIMON: ...When did you realize our cultures were different on the issue of praise?
BROWN: Well, I think it hit me pretty quickly after I arrived here. I grew up in California, which I think a lot of Americans will agree could be considered the epicenter of praise culture in the States. And it was sort of a normal thing where you'd walk into a room, and people would be like, oh, my God, I love your outfit. You look amazing. I'm obsessed with you. So when I got to the U.K., I was sort of used to a certain kind of lifestyle, used to a certain tone of praise. And I just really quickly realized it's not a part of the dialogue. Like, when I was making friends at the beginning of my job, I would kind of like, oh, I love your shoes, or, nice top, and people were just really turned off by it.
SIMON: Well, with the reflection you've been able to do in Britain, is there anything wrong with praising people?
BROWN: I don't think there's anything wrong with praising people when it's genuine. But I think the more time I spent here, the more I realized that it's sort of an automatic part of the way that we talk to each other in the States, compliments being kind of an integral part of a greeting or, like, a conversation starter or part of small talk. And I just found that people don't really do that here, which can sometimes come off a little harsh. But in the end, I think when you do get a compliment, it really feels like someone's saying it 'cause they mean it. You know, it feels like it's coming from a genuine place.
SIMON: What kind of people do you think that winds up creating?
BROWN: I think, at best, in the U.S., it creates people who are pretty confident. Like, my dad called me after the article went up. And he was like - 'cause I mentioned him in the piece. And he was like, I hope I did everything OK. I'm really - you know, I'm really sorry. Did I give you too much love and attention? I was like, you did everything right because I think it does make you feel - like, cultivates a sense of confidence, and you can walk into a room and you just feel like, you know, I got this, like, even though there's no reason for me to think that I do. And I think that that is a really nice thing about Americans, that they're kind of, like, willing to take on new challenges. But I think on its worst days, it can sort of create a sense of arrogance and sort of a feeling of, like, being a little bit of a know-it-all and maybe a little bit less of an opportunity to be self-reflective 'cause you don't necessarily ever think you've done anything wrong or there's anywhere to improve.
SIMON: I have a lot of British friends, and they sometimes tell me that they - well, let's put it this way. They wish they'd been praised a little more.
BROWN: I've definitely heard that feedback from people here. And I actually got a really nice email from one of our readers. He was saying he lived in New York for a year when he was younger and that it had actually completely changed his whole outlook on the world, getting so much positive feedback. So I think there's definitely room for some version of the American way here. But I think maybe it's sort of somewhere in between the two approaches, I think, 'cause sometimes when we're just, like, relentlessly positive in the U.S., it can make it a little hard to grow.
SIMON: Chiara Brown is a commissioning editor at The Times of London. Thank you very much for joining us. And, look, I interview a lot of people. There was something really special about this one.
BROWN: Well, thank you so, so, so, so, so much for having me.
SIMON: (Laughter) You win.
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